We’ve all experienced bullying in one form or another — and some of us may even recognise moments when we were the ones doing the harm. It’s easy to dismiss bullying as a childhood issue, but it doesn’t magically disappear when we become adults. It shows up everywhere, even in community groups.
One form of bullying that often goes unnoticed is quiet bullying. Unlike evident hostility, quiet bullying operates subtly. It could take the form of work being undermined or sabotaged with no one taking responsibility. Gaslighting, backhanded compliments, quietly creating conflict. It can look like someone being consistently left out of important conversations, ideas being dismissed without consideration, or untrue tales spreading quietly through a group.
Once these false narratives circulate, they can be accepted without question. The person targeted may be removed from a held position, a group chat, or another related group without explanation. Attempts to ask questions are met with silence, or being called defiant for simply wanting clarity. Over time, people facing this treatment may find themselves quietly pushed out of the group under some vague or disguised justification.
What makes this even more damaging is the silence of bystanders. When people witness unfair treatment but say nothing, the bystander effect takes hold — and silence becomes complicity.
Volunteer work is one of the most powerful forces for community growth. It brings people together, strengthens connections, and creates a sense of shared purpose. On the surface, it often looks warm, welcoming, and beautifully wrapped — a place where everyone is united for a common cause.
But when some people start to feel excluded, that packaging quickly crumbles. A group that appears supportive from the outside can become isolating on the inside if members are quietly pushed out, ignored, or dismissed. The harm doesn’t just affect the individual; it weakens the entire community. A group can only thrive when every person feels respected, included, and valued.
Participation doesn’t look the same for everyone. People have different schedules, abilities, responsibilities, and limitations — and that’s perfectly normal. In a volunteer or community setting, there is no bottom line, no profit margin, no shareholder pressure. The goal is service, not perfection.
Groups don’t need to be rigid; they can bend with the wind. The way things are done can be adjusted to make room for everyone, offering different ways to be heard and to participate. Making room for different levels of involvement strengthens the group rather than weakening it. When we allow people to contribute in the ways they’re able, we honour the spirit of community itself — generosity, connection, and shared purpose.
Sometimes favouritism plays a role as well. When certain members (or participants) in a group are consistently elevated, protected, or given more influence, it can create an uneven dynamic where others feel overlooked or undervalued. Favouritism doesn’t just shape who gets included — it also shapes who gets excluded. In groups meant to be collaborative rather than hierarchical, these imbalances can quietly erode trust and belonging.
These dynamics aren’t limited to volunteer groups. Quiet bullying can surface in work environments, clubs, committees, and any place where people form groups or connections. Whenever certain voices are elevated while others are quietly pushed aside, the environment becomes less about community and more about hierarchy. Recognising these patterns — and naming them — is the first step toward creating spaces where everyone feels safe, respected, and genuinely included.
To prevent our communities from becoming environments where quiet bullying can thrive, we need to be intentional about fostering a culture of inclusivity and empathy. We’re all here for the same purpose, and that shared mission should be grounded in kindness and respect. Every voice deserves to be heard, and no one should be left on the outside looking in.
If you see something, speak up. Don’t let silence cause harm. Together, we can build groups where everyone feels valued, supported, and genuinely included.
Signed,
A Voice for the Unheard
February 25th, 2026 (Wednesday), is Pink Shirt Day in Canada.
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